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Blame Doonesbury * Mostly "G" Rated * Rarely Polarized * Updated On Whim

Fav quote -  "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and does what he wants to do." - Dylan

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June 29, 2003

DFW and Douglas Adams

About year ago to this date I spent a free afternoon in downtown Fort Worth.  I really had no intent in heading downtown, but there was little else to do except to sit in my hotel room and watch people ride all the scary rides across the freeway at Six Flags over Texas.  I had a great view from fifteenth floor of the hotel.  That was interesting for a time, especially around sunset, but I got over it after a day or two.

Besides, on my last trip to Texas, I spent an afternoon in downtown Dallas, just to see if the skyline changed a bit from the days of Dynasty.

Well it turns out the downtown skyline of Fort Worth is far less intimidating than its sister city. That's a kind way of saying it's really quite boring.  But the city fathers left some of the "old" Fort Worth standing, making it a great Mecca for tourists and other folks who don't like sitting in hotels rooms.

As you might guess, it was HOT that particular afternoon in Fort Worth and it didn't take long too see all the quaint old stuff.  So I sought refuge in the downtown Barnes & Noble, thinking I could pick up something good to read for the trip home.  I grabbed an iced latte and began my usual routine of searching out the best book for me at that particular time.

Given that I no longer buy business books, computer books, self help books, political commentary and best selling novels anymore, there was not too much that caught my attention.  But I did come across an odd-titled book that might prove interesting: The Salmon of Doubt, by Douglas Adams.  He was the guy that wrote those Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy books that I vaguely recall reading way back when.  I mean, back then it didn't make much sense to read about such "stuff" when I was living it.

It seems Douglas Adams also died in Santa Barbara just like Donny Laing and was born in the same year as Donny!  So I figured this is the book to buy for my flight back to DC  -- I was, after all, in dire need of some literary insight & inspiration.

Was I wrong -- "Boring boring boring Sidney."  The book was so bad that I can't even muster the energy to get into the details as to why.  I mean, I even thought that my pissy writing was better than his and he is a famous dead author -- with editors!

Fortunately a guy in Europe named Anders Jacobsen bought the book about when I did and for the very same purpose -- to read on a flight.  I sure hope Anders doesn't mind me placing his review here.  I best email him just in case.

From Anders Jacobsen's Blog:

So Anders sums up the book about the same way I would.  Thank you Anders for saving me the trouble.  Of course I just call cr@p what it is: crap.

So by now you may be wondering why I'm publishing a borrowed review of a bad book published about a year ago?  Turns out I had to move my weight cage into my office as it seemed a bit unromantic to keep it in the bedroom.  Oh, for those of you who do not know what a weight cage is -- it's a big tubular structure that supports an Olympic sized barbell set (and works great to hang drying laundry as well).

Moving that cage was a major effort in itself.  But to make it fit, I had to unload and move two large bookcases as well.  As fate would have it, I placed the old Salmon of Doubt on the very top of one of the book cases, forgotten and doomed to forever collect dust. 

Not seeing it up there, I picked up the clumsy shelf and the dusty book came flying down, its sharp corner hitting me squarely in the nose.  That really pissed me off as my nose started bleeding and the dust gave me a short bout of uncontrollable sneezing.  Do you have any idea what kind of mess that makes?  I guess I should be thankful for it not hitting me in the eye.

After I cleaned up and regained a sense of calmness, I thought that perhaps this is some meaningful symbolic event.  I packed the book into my box of stuff to move in my weekly commute from Piney Point to Maple Valley.  I was having a tough read with The Secret Gospel of Thomas anyway and maybe it needed a rest, thus giving dead Douglas Adams a reprieve.

Well, turns out I did find something of interest way, way, way in the back of the book:  A reference to h2g2.

It seems Douglas Adams started this web project and the BBC is now carrying the torch.  Check it out -- it seems one of the better places to explore if you don't have downtown Fort Worth beckoning you.

As far as my 2nd read of Salmon of Doubt.  It's kind of like Bob Dylan's last CD -- one, maybe two small gems buried in a mound of old rocks.  I can thank Mr. Adams for h2g2 and the fact that I will now have to repaint my office to cover up the blood stains.

I no longer have to travel to Texas and that's fine with me. Texas seems like a little country all unto itself with really odd rules.  They love to send folks to prison for a really long time over trivial matters.

 I never cared for that "Don't mess with Texas" slogan plastered all over the place.  I'd get unconsciously nervous if I forgot to bring my passport, thinking I just may run into trouble in the Republic of Texas when it was time to head back to the US.  I bet Douglas Adams didn't much care for Texas either, being a former Santa Barbara resident and all.

June 7, 2003

Pissing & Moaning Week

I've just about given up on cable news -- until recently, my only form of visual entertainment during weekday evenings.  I still love Krusty & Krazy in the 8 pm slot on CNBC.  The only problem is here in the mountains, the local cable company doesn't carry CNBC.  I guess the local folks aren't too big on NYC investment banker types.

So some jerk on MSNBC cracks jokes while counting down the top stories in that time slot.  It makes me want to get a prescription for dumb pills and start watching the reality shows.  I mean I watch the tube maybe one hour a night and every time I turn on the Discovery Channel I see some old fart biker dude verbally abusing his kid.  Sponge Bob has about as few new episodes as the Osborne's and even though I never watched an entire episode of either, it seems that I've seen them all.

Well, I'm digging out one of my three satellite dishes in Piney Point and hauling it back to Maple Valley.  In fact I'm going to set another dish up here and axe both of my cable companies.

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So I guess I'm working too much these days -- I can't seem to get anything completely accomplished.  Little things annoy me.  I miss California.  Here's this week's list of my pet peeves:

Every time I buy a new pair of "running" shoes, the laces are about twice as long as they need to be.  Why?  Each time I have to realign them and cut off about 8 inches.  Then I have to sear the ends of the cut laces with a lighter so they don't unravel.  I've been doing this ever since they stopped calling them gym shoes.  My last pair of Avia's, which I bought on sale, don't stay tied.  I threw them in the trash today.  I was trying to save some money and now I have to buy a new pair.  Nike and Rockport are the only two brands that have never let me down (except for the shoe lace thing). I wonder if other folks are still pissing & moaning about Nike's sweat shops?

I have emailed Avis and Hertz on numerous occasions requesting them to adopt a simple policy of cleaning the side mirrors on their rentals when they wash their cars.  What's the big deal with that? Finally these companies recycle their cars frequently enough that you rarely get a dog -- but try and actually see something out of the water-stained encrusted mirrors.

Now I've taken my wrath out on GM and Ford.  Sure they don't make cars as crappy as they did in the past -- but it's 2003 and we can have just about every electronic gadget, from GPS and satellite radio to bum-warming seats, installed as options on a new car. 

But has any car maker actually eliminated the blind spot from your side mirrors?  I'm sure only the most junior engineers get to design side mirrors.  But with all the technology available today, why must consumers still have to buy a three dollar "fish-eye" stick-on mirror to view that blind spot and perhaps prevent a deadly accident?  I guess the bean counters figure it's not worth it.

Perhaps that junior engineer may someday even get promoted and design a sun visor that effectively blocks the sun both on the windshield and side window.  I'm not asking for rocket science here Detroit!  Don't force me to buy a Volvo.

I recently concluded that anyone who works for a financial institution that sell mortgages would have had a far better career choice in just becoming a crook right off the bat. Scams everywhere -- even the established "legitimate" lenders.

I will rejoice and perhaps even buy stock in the first financial institution that allows the primitive practice of check writing to succumb to extinction (especially for females in retail outlets).   Of course then we shall need a national campaign to teach consumers that it is perfectly OK to swipe your ATM card before the clerk finishes ringing up the totals.

Guess who sent me a letter this week?  The president of AARP!  I was outraged. I fired off an email demanding that he immediately remove me from their mailing list.  Aging baby boomers still listen to rock & roll (and not just the old stuff), have sex and shower on a very  regular basis.  We won't give a damn about joining such an organization until we are at least approaching eighty (about when we will be able to afford retirement).  I expect we'll have no trouble passing medical hemp laws about then.

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I know, if this is all I have to complain about, what's my problem?  I don't have any - I love life!

Coming Soon:

Clam digs and Martinis in Morro Bay - Part VIII  - Don Laing 1952 - 1984

Start over with Part I

Also in the Works:

My cousin Jim & I - 20 years of marvelous adventures (Huck Finn lived a petty dull life).

Book Review - Beyond Belief - The Secret Gospel of Thomas (and why the fundamentalist got it wrong).

Laurie Anderson - Carbonboy's No 1 artist.

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© 2003 Composites-By-Design Corporation

Carbonboy's Web Log is Moving July 5

if he survives the July 4th  festivities at the National Mall

Wish List

I wish Scott Adams and Garry Trudeau would swap jobs for awhile -- just to keep things fresh.

I wish the cable news channels were banned forever from reporting on the Laci Peterson Case -- nobody else is.

I wish that my tax cut was actually worth something more than a free meal at a fast food dive.

I wish I lived, again, in a climate where the best of Spring and Fall were twice the length of the worst of Summer and Winter.

I wish that when I'm forced to eat at a fast food dive, the actual food looked half as good as the pictures of it.

I wish cars and trucks  had self-rotating tires.

I wish I could actually see the bull frog that lives in the Piney Point Pond -- just to determine if he's at least half as big as he sounds.

I wish I could actually afford the new SUV I just took for a test drive.

I wish people would actually follow through on things they say they will do without having to piss & moan to get them to do it.

 I wish that I could walk into a CD store and identify at least half of the artists in the top ten rack.

I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday.

I wish I hadn't started painting my master bathroom.

I wish I didn't have to wish.

Oh hell, I wish a had a few million bucks so I wouldn't give a damn about all the dumb-ass wishes above.

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